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Depth2 min read · Lesson 04 of The Art of Being Interested
Trade Facts for Stories
"What do you do?" gets you a job title. Ask for a story instead, and you get the person.
"What do you do?" gets you a job title. "Where are you from?" gets you a city. Facts are easy to trade and impossible to remember.
Stories are different. Ask for one, and you get the person.
Facts inform. Stories connect.
We don't bond over data points; we bond over moments. Swap "What do you do?" for "What's a project you were weirdly proud of?" and watch someone light up as they hand you something real.
Nobody has ever felt close to someone because they exchanged résumés.
Trade up your questions
A FACT
"What do you do?" — "I’m in marketing."
A STORY
"What’s a work moment you’re still proud of?" — and now they’re telling you a story.
THE TAKEAWAY
Ask for the story, not the summary.
"What was that like?" beats "What did you do?" every time.
PRACTICE THIS · DEPTH
- Ask for the story, not the summary.
- Trade "What do you do?" for "What are you proud of lately?"
- Share something real first — it gives them permission to.
- Follow your curiosity, not the script.
- Before asking someone to open up, share one true thing yourself first.
- When someone states a fact, ask why it matters to them.
- Trade "how are you?" for "what's the best part of your week?"
- Ask about firsts and turning points — they always come with a story.
SOURCES & FURTHER READING
- Arthur Aron et al.. The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness — Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (1997 — the '36 questions' study)
- Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends and Influence People — Simon & Schuster (1936)